The Time! The Time! Who's Got the Time?
I've figured out the secret to life. The How To enjoy Life. All of it. Every single second of it. The good. The bad. The ugly. And the movie too. The answer is: time.
Remember that time is something we cannot buy. Something we cannot control. Something we cannot own, or win, or come by. It is life's most precious and most fleeting. Time is the one thing in life that is guaranteed NOT to care about you. Literally. It does not care. It does not wait. It does not slow down when you need a minute. It keeps going. With or without you.
Now, the one thing we DO have in the realm of time is HOW we SPEND that time. Priorities. Choice. Balance-ish. At the very least - so that your ego isn't completely shattered by this revelation - we can control the how.
Example: I have a 30 minute drive coming up. Would I rather listen to a podcast and enhance my knowledge on subject x so that I can appear knowledgable in that subject? Or, would I rather use that time to call a friend?
It used to be podcast! Now, I'm switching to friend. Because here's the thing. When life throws a curveball - and it will - chances are you won't remember that podcast you listened to, but you will remember the conversation with your friend whom you never see enough of, but every time you do, your soul fills up to the moon and back.
If you ask me -- which you are if you're reading this otherwise why did you subscribe? --- RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALL THAT WE'VE GOT IN THIS WORLD - whether that's with ourselves or with others.
When Time sneaks in and strips it all away, we are reminded not of the the things we made, or did, or won, or any other superficial (yes, at times also meaningful) thing we accomplished. Nor do we look to our perfectly curated social media profiles, or the amount of followers, or likes, or "friends" we have. We don't even look at all the things we have: cars, money, homes, jobs, etc. We are reminded of the people who were there by our side: our family, our friends, our colleagues, our kids, our lovers, and yes, even those who "wronged" us.
People. Meaningful Relationships. Connections. Conversations. Community. Family.
As I stand here writing this -- I am standing .. don't ask -- I think back on all the g o o o o o d I experienced with my friend Will. All the time we spent together. All the conversations. All the laughs. All the tears. And yet, I am thinking of how it was not enough time.
You know why? Because I was always too focused on work. Building my career. Being a great producer for VICE. Getting to the office first and leaving last. Picking up the phone to say "i'll call you back". Racing from project to project. Putting in the work. I WAS SO BUSY!!!! So busy, Will. Later, Will. Ignore, Will. Let me do me, Will.
Until that "admirable career" all fell apart. And then what? Then I ran some more. I bought a one-way ticket. I went to Europe. I came back to the States. I tried to get my life together. I partied too hard and wasn't present. And then? I almost died. And even when I stepped into Recovery Will said to me, "I'm just saying...crawl before you run because I know you're going to want to sprint." He knew. He was right. Sprint, I did. To build my podcast. And my platform. And to try and heal everyone but myself.
Priorities? Were wrong.
Choice? I decided I had none.
Balance-ish? For the weak.
Now I'm here. Nearing my one year anniversary. Figuring all of those things out. Reflecting. Understanding. Prioritizing. Making choices. Finding Balance-ish. And all I want to do is to call Will and to say, "hey! look at me! i'm doing it! i'm listening to what you said! you were right! I was wrong. Let's catch up properly. Let's really talk. And facetime. And let me come see you as you battle through your cancer. Work aside. Let me be the friend you're asking me to be. I have TIME!! I'm making time, Will!"
But I can't. I missed my time and Will is gone.
I look back and as I grieve the loss of my dearest Will, I think not on what we accomplished together, but I think of allllllll the time I made the choice to prioritize all "the things" instead of what I knew to be our meaningful relationship.
Will? Lesson learned. Thanks for always being my guiding light. I see you. I hear you now more than ever. I miss you.
As for you readers - who's got the time? You do. Start Living.