Hi.

My name is Alyonka Larionov. 

I am a Host, Producer, Storyteller + Podcaster.

I practice Social Engineering by Creating Community + Gatherings where I facilitate Safe Spaces to Moderate Conversations on Authenticity, Transparency, Empathy, Vulnerability, Compassion, Story/Truth/Flaws, and the Human Condition.

I believe in empowering Emotional Intelligence.

LIVE.IN.LOVE

GOOD ENOUGH

GOOD ENOUGH


I WILL ASSUME THAT VERY FEW OF US ACTUALLY USE THE TITLE OF THIS PIECE WHEN IT COMES TO OURSELVES, UNLESS, OF COURSE, WE FIRST ADD THE WORD 'NOT'.

I would say that this concept of 'good enough' has been in my periphery for only about the last two years, meaning, prior to 2014/2015, I wouldn't have dared to imagine that 'good enough' would be a term used to describe me.

Truly, I didn't feel that the concept 'Good Enough' existed. That felt like settling and I wasn't raised to believe in, or acknowledge settling.

(I have since grown to like this word. It feels rooted in something. You know, like, when they say 'act when the dust settles'. Settling is a good thing, not the way I'd always seen it; giving up, an end of the road, and even a bit lazy.)

In my upbringing, and then in my professional world, there was only UP and onward! Once a goal was achieved, I'd immediately move on to the next. There was never even a thought to appreciate the moment. That would have been weak, wasteful, and costly - taking away my attention for the next task at hand. The idea was "who's got time for that? we've got better things to do. Also, we're not there yet, so why would we celebrate?"

(that there is a tricky word...because there really isn't a there, unless there is death, then there can never really be a there, a finish line...so one must learn to appreciate the now)

Looking back, I mostly remember feelings of disappointment and anxiety, because I never took the time to appreciate everything that I had accomplished in each moment of accomplishment. In my mind, I hadn't reached that imagined FINISH LINE, which meant, I hadn't yet earned the right to celebrate, therefore didn't deserve to celebrate, and without that self-supported permission, I'd jump straight on to the next. In this crazy cycle, everything and anything had turned into, not good enough.

(earning, deserving, and permission are wicked words in the cycle of not good enough. we will explore these themes in depth)

FLASH FORWARD TO JANUARY 2017, WHEN ALL OF MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS LANDED ME BACK TO SQUARE 1, I MADE A DECISION TO CHANGE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH 'GOOD ENOUGH'. WITH DAILY PRACTICES OF RE-WIRING MY MILITANT CONDITIONED BRAIN, I'VE SLOWLY COME TO UNDERSTAND AND TO LIKE 'GOOD ENOUGH'.

Good Enough is kinder, more patient, loving, and quite honestly, brings in better results. Because I'm no longer wasting time and energy thinking about what I have yet to accomplish, I've in turn cleared up that much-needed space to attract more opportunities, more growth, more joy, and most importantly, more gratitude. The journey all of a sudden feels so much more wonderful, and in turn easier. I still work my ass off, but I'm just not as hard on my ass. WE'RE NOT ROBOTS, PEOPLE. 

OF COURSE, SOME WEEKS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS. 'NOT GOOD ENOUGH' HAS BEEN WITH ME FOR MANY, MANY YEARS, SO IT'S STILL VERY PRESENT IN OTHER PARTS OF LIFE: BODY IMAGE BEING THE BIGGEST CULPRIT AT THE MOMENT. 

(this is another topic we will discuss at length)

When I see myself going back into those patterns I remind myself that, part of being Good Enough is to recognize that I don't have to change overnight, especially when the opposite is all that I've known for nearly three decades. In these vulnerable moments, instead of getting angry at myself, I have to practice kindness and patience, and say to myself, 'yo, alyonka, the changes you've made so far, are ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH. Cut yourself some slack. Enough of this being so hard on yourself.' The magical thing is that it actually works, at times with a little resistance, but even that little change is GOOD ENOUGH.


GOOD ENOUGH PT. II

GOOD ENOUGH PT. II

The Original Email | April 2017

The Original Email | April 2017