90% Authentically You.
This year I started my platform so that I could Speak My Truth.
I realized that I had fallen into the trap of many: portraying the 10% most glamorous moments of my life while hiding the 90% Truths. One of those Truths was my Eating Disorder. Someone this week wrote to me + let me know that I used to be a thinspo person for them. My heart cracked. Someone (there are probably others) looked up to me as an example of a good body. That body, or the way in which I got it (whatever that means) was an ILL body & a dying body. What we post matters.
I also heard from a friend this week whose let me know that her fight is too hard. She hopes to one day reach a state of happiness & recoverED, like me. Then, my closest friend wrote to me saying, “you seem great via social media”. Then others, “you seem so happy via your posts. you must be in a really good place”.
All of these were red flags cuz the truth is I am NOT recoverED. I am struggling with the process every single day. I am not healed. Honestly? I am not “happy”. I am a Content 5- neither carrying sadness, nor flying on joy. But I want to make this clear: nearing 9 months of Recovery in comparison to ten 10 YEARS living in an illness, I have a long road ahead of me.
I write this because I do not want those hurting, those who write to me for support, those who attend my workshops, to feel that I’m coasting. As if stepping into a new way of existence is a magical overnight change. It’s fucking hard. Some days better than others.
Like December 25th.
Picture 1 is in the early morning. Picture 2 (my Truth) is after a fight with my mom, a series of never-ending conversations where I try to make her understand that I didn’t come up with this illness & that contrary to her beliefs, I’m doing SO much better, even though it’s not where she’d like for me to be.
Perhaps I’ll write about this one day. For now, it’s important I let YOU know that I am still a work in progress. I am still hurting. I am still fighting. I am still grieving the part of me that I lost. I AM getting better. I am trying REALLY hard. MY best. You keep doing yours 🙏🏼